brooksiebaby's Xanga

God provided a ram!

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 02:27:25 GMT

Well, friends. It has been awhile and for good reason. In faith I moved to Antioch at the beginning of the month that that is where God wanted me to be and 10 days later I received a job offer at McGavock High School, which I accepted. I am a teacher! Thank you Janet for your spiritual insight into my situation. I had finally come to terms that I was not going to teach this year. In the statue of full surrender, my Isaac (teaching) was laid upon the altar ready to be sacrificed, but God provided a ram. This past week was my first week and things are going well. I am tired but taking it one day at a time. The assistant principal I report to is awesome and thinks I am doing an awesome job. The majority of my students are repeaters, which presents some challenges. I have two very good classes (period 3 and 4), two challenege classes (period 2 and 5), and one nightmare class (period 6). I've already developed the wrap of being a mean teacher, which I am assured is a good thing.

School is not what it used to be. Skipping class is normal, walking out of class is commonplace, being rude and mouthy is acceptable, and respect is non-existent. It is disheartening. I am having to make threats and make good on them just to make examples out of students, which is not me at all. I am collecting papers and marking zeroes on them if they talk. I am having to count them absent and give them zeroes if they refuse to adhere to the seating charts. They put absolutely no effort into anything you assign them, and they complain about anything and everything. They complain that they are bored if we aren't doing anything and we are doing something, they complain about that too. I don't want to fail them but they are leaving me any options. What is sad is that some of them are seniors and will not graduate.

Please keep me in your prayers, that God will give me wisdom on how to handle my students, but more importatnly pray for the students. I can put up with the nonsense, but these kids are lost in every sense of the word. I can only hope that my "tough love" towards them will break through and that they will see God's love at the heart of it in getting them to grow up.

Catch you later!

~Brooks

4th down at the 5 yardline

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 22:53:53 GMT

Sorry football fans, I've never been much of a fan, but my pastor used football as an example to make a point, which describes my life perfectly right now and its the only way I can describe what's going on... so here goes...

All year long, there has been a lot of controversy surrounding the last week of July and the first week of August... whether to do camp or the alternate activities that my church planned, moving since my lease ended, potential change in career since I have been trying to become a teacher, etc. Big decisions, tough decisions. With som much potential for chaos lining up around the same time in my life, I have been proclaiming that God was fixing to do something huge, something absolutely awesome! I was never prepared for what happened though...

I went to camp, a week that I look forward to all year long, and I had the most challenging group of campers ever, they were attacked with sickness and injuries all week long, and God didn't show up in services like he has in years past... that's not to say He didn't do what He needed to do there, but my expectations were not for fulfilled. Then I get back home from a discouraging week at camp on Friday, go to sleep at 8pm (this never happens but I was tired), and am awakened at 5:15 am by a phone call from my dad that my grandmother passed away... it was her 79th birthday too and I was going to call and wish her a Happy Birthday... so I unpacked from camp, and repacked for home and the funeral and hit the road. It was so hard being with family under these circumstances because I knew everybody else was torn up so I knew I had to be strong and grieve later. Being away and supporting family kept me from following up on teaching jobs or looking for a new place to live... These two weeks that I had been proclaiming all year long that God was going to do something awesome couldn't have been worse.

So I come back to TN and have to teach the kids Sunday, which was the last thing I wanted to do since I was finally able to begin my own grieving process, but I got a CD of the service and it couldn't describe my life more appropriately. Pastor Danny was talking about Navigational Keys to surviving the storms of life. He said that if God has spoken something to you that has not been fuflfilled that you still have purpose... for me that thing is teaching... and that we can do everything humanly possible to make that thing happen (I have) so much so that the only thing that is going to make it happen is crying out to Jesus (I have and even continued praising God throughout all of this mess and proclaiming that He still sits on the throne and is in control). He then said that before a breakthrough we will face the exact opposite of what we have been belieiving for and preparing for. Yep, this is my life! He then compared it to fourth down at the 5 yard line and how the ground near the end zone is that more precious that anywhere else on the field because you are about to score! For the same reason, the opponent is going to fight you that much harder and the oppenent definitely has. I am at the 5 on 4th down and ready for a breakthrough!

So now, a high school actually wants to hire me! La Vergne High School wants me to teach Physical Science (4 sections of Honors and one regular) and the county office has everything but one form from the university and the only person who can grant it is on vacation until Friday, so I am in a holding pattern. I am using the time to prepare for what I believe will be my breakthrough. There may be some complication surrounding this form, so please keep me in your prayers because this form is all that is standing between me and what God spoke to me. Also be praying for a smooth move as I decided to move in with some friends.

Take faith my friends if you too are facing your giants at the 5.

~Brooks

Love and salvation...

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 01:53:20 GMT

Posts where you don't know where to begin are always some of the best... I guess I'll just start out by saying that I've spent the past hour driving around Murfreesboro, crying and worshipping God after watching a movie that really moved me. Love has been a constant message throughout this year and the most recent reminder was tonight in this movie where good is battling evil. Good says to evil that you'll never know love or friendship and I feel sorry for you. Then evil flees. This one statement rumbled deep and loud within my spirit. It reminded me of the love that is extended to us through our relationship with Christ and how those who don't know Him will never know that same love... It makes me feel sorry for them, but moreso reminds and motivates me of my responsibility to share God's love with them through living it and giving them the opportunity to know it too. Salvation is extended to us because of love. Everything God does is motivated by His love for us. In the movie the God character held back from man character, which frustrated the man because he didn't feel the love that he once felt from the God character. At the end, man gets to ask why the God character drew back and it's because he loved man so much that he stepped away in order to protect the man and make the man grow. We get so caught up in our own lives sometimes that we forget about the love and our commission to share it. We complain that we don't feel God near, but He is still protecting us and He is making us grow. His love is addictive... we experience it and want more, but we get too comfortable and just expect it to be there instead of chasing it or pursuing it passionately. So tonight in driving around I did just that... there's just something about driving around with the windows down, praying and worshipping out loud that just feels like I chased Him. There was such a sweet presence in my filthy car (it needs washed and vacuumed something awful). I spoke in my prayer language for about thirty minutes with tears streaming down my face... crying out to God to break our hearts again for the lost, to raise up a generation of young people who will fight for Him- a generation that He will pour His spirit upon, greater than any of us have ever known.... how we are not worthy of His love....Then I just kept singing Mighty God until I got home. I felt such victory and a sense of completion, like God was saying it is finished... all the stuff I have been going through is finished... my finances will turn around, my pursuit of a teaching job is coming through, the energy and crativity that I need for VBS and camp has arrived... I felt like God told me to put my credit card bills in my Bible and that I need to contact friends to remind them that I love them and value their friendship. If you are reading this, you are my friend. Chances are that we've laughed and cried together. Even though we may not be in frequent contact, I want each of you to know that I love you and I value your friendship more than you'll ever know!

I went to Mexico on a mission trip with the kids PEAK team. As the big guy on the trip, I was the watch dog and the setup and tear down guy. I didn't get to do any ministry really, but I got to stand back and watch it all happen... the healings, the deliverances, the salvations, the storm clouds opening up and the hole of sunshine following us.... the kids even cast out a demon which was really awesome! It was awesome! We had some amazing worship times and God broke my heart there too... I was asking the kids why the Bible says the workers are few for the great harvest and we concluded that the workers are few because there are so many people who are willing to give up everything to do it.... how holding on to any part of ourselves is selfish and that what we hold onto can be an idol in our life. We talked about consecration and how we want to be set aside and to follow Him with abandon... I'll have to tell you all the details of the trip later, but the pastors who took us loved me and wants me to come with them on their other trips which is awesome because a part of me has wnated to be more involved with short term missions but time and money has always been an issue... Once I am a teach I hope that I will be able to do more...

I know all of this may seem like rambling to you, but I just had to get everything that I felt God speaking to my heart written out as a reminder to me of this place that I am in.

Good night friends!

~Brooks

Isn't it just like God to...

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 01:03:48 GMT

You fill in the blank! He's your God too!

Seriously, isn't it just like God to be God- to be in control, to be faithful to His word, to be on time, to open doors that you weren't even knocking at...

If you've been reading my blog, you know that God spoke on Memorial Day weekend of 2006 that I was to become a teacher, you know that I've passed the neccessary Praxis exams, you know that it's been like a second job filling out all the applications and contacting the schools trying to secure employment as a teacher, and you know that I've not heard a thing back from anybody- not an email, not a phone call, nada.

I would be lying if I toild you I wasn't frustrated because I totally felt that I should have heard something back by now, especially with science being a high-need area. Everything within me knows that God told me to do this, and I have done everything to qualify myself to do it- I've done the studying, I've passed the tests, I've filled out applications, I've solicited reference forms and letters, I've researched and read up on classroom management and lesson planning and put together a documents with how I want to run my classroom and how I plan to teach, I've emailed, I've called, I've been to the recruitment fairs, and I've even showed up in person at some of the schools! I've done it all.

To clear my head of the stress associated to this endeavor and the other chaos going on in life, I went on vacation during Memorial Day a few weeks ago and had dreams about teaching every night, like God was tormenting me with it. Here I am, a year later, ready to step into what he told me to do, and He has yet to deliver on what He spoke. I purposed to not be stressed over it or to let my faith waiver, because I, of all people, know that God's timeline is not the same as ours, but I would continue to be diligent.

I've primarily been focusing on Davidson and Rutherford County since they had the most positions open and geographically they are most desirable for me... Nashville is in Davidson and Murfreesboro (where I live) is in Rutherford. I also filled out the Williamson County application since Ravenwood had a position open. I heard nothing back so I looked slightly beyond my desired radius and decided to apply in Maury County.

Last week, I got a phone call from Independence High in Williamson- a school that I had not even been in touch with aside from the county application! A position opened up that day and they called wanting to talk to me about it! It is the newest school in Williamson, which is a very wealthy county since Brentwood and Franklin are both there. I could believe it! I am just waiting to hear back from the principal on when she is going to begin interviews. Go figure that a school that I had not pursued is contacting me... Can we say God had a hand in this? I think so!

Yesterday I dropped off my application packet in Maury county which is literally just down the road from Independence High, and they contacted me today! I have interviews scheduled with the Board of Education and two of the schools that have positions open (Spring Hill and Columbia Central). Thank you, Lord!

God is making it so obvious that I need to move to that area as all three schools are right next to each other, plus rent is much cheaper there! Check out the map below... all the pushpins are high schools, the black circles are the first and second radii I drew from my church, the red box are the high schools that have contacted me, the red circle is where I currently live... It's like God is pointing me there... ever had anything like this happen to you before? What are the chances? It totally has to be God! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Good night, friends!

Just Breathe...

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 00:42:05 GMT

Here I am again... a place in life where I have to let go. I've allowed life to suffocate me instead of invigorate me... All the busyness has been asphyxiating... I literally don't remember breathing for the past two months... I had to break away... I needed to breathe and I did... I went home to WV...

While I didn't do anything elaborate, this had to be the most relaxing vacation ever. I didn't plan anything or even go into it having pre-conceived ideas about what I wanted it to be... I enjoyed the open road, the fresh air, and the time away from it all... I spent time with whoever was available and didn't beat myself up over not making all the rounds, and I didn't care what anybody thought about it... I spent quality time with my grandparents... My Mammaw had two minor storkes earlier this month... I am 27 and very fortunate to have all 4 grandparents alive, but I think we all take our time with our grandparents for granted... It's hard seeing them in their condition and hearing them talk about death... I am almost in tears even typing it... I fear that I may loose all of them in a short period of time and how they will cope without their spouses... It almost makes me feel guilty for living far away from all my family and tempted to move closer to family. I've definitely thought more about Georgia but still no definites and no stress... I just enjoyed my time away... I breathed and tasted lide again.

Last Memorial Day I did a fasting retreat to find out what that next big step in life is and here a year later, I am prepared to do that very thing... become a teacher. I don't understand why I've been stressing over it sooooo much... That doesn't meant that I am going to slack on getting the job, but I am not going to let it stress me out... God spoke it, I made myself eligible for it and I've worked hard for it, God will honor it by giving me favor and ultimately the job. I have faith. Now, I just need to breathe...

If life has you around the neck, embrace it and just breathe. Life will return...

What's God Trying to do?

Sat, 05 May 2007 02:10:40 GMT

I can't help but ask what God is trying to do in my life right now, which I guess is a somewhat good situation to be in since He is trying to do something! My mind is just in too many places for it even solidify. What am I thinking about that is so tasking? Let's inventory:

1. Things at work are nuts. We have more work then we can handle and they won't give us the time we need off the phone to complete it all. Instead, they keep handing stuff to other work groups to help but that just causes more work because they don't know what they are doing, which comes back to us in the form of phone calls, which prevents us from being off the phone to get the work done in the first place. Vicious circle. I should be working overtime cause I really need to $$$ but I am too tired, busy, and stressed to do something that will make me more tired, busy, and stressed!

2. I am busting my tail contacting principals trying to land a job as a biology teacher which is what Gid laid on my heart last year. I sent initial emails, I went to the teacher recruitment fair. I've sent follow-up emails. Still, none have contacted me and acknowledged that they even received my emails or resume. Next step is phone calls and drop-in visits. All my teacher friends said you have to be agressive so I am. No games. This has had me stressed out, which made me think that I might be trying too hard and not trusting God enough but I am afraid to back down for possibly losing the very thing that God told me to go do!

3. I've been put in charge of fundraising efforts for our kids PEAK team for the mission trip. I hate fundraising because people never volunteer and scheduling is never convenient for anybody. I have procrastinated for lack of direction, but now is where the rubber has to meet the road because time is running out. Now that I have reached out, nobody is returning my phone calls. I don't even know where the money for my trip is coming from.

4. Finances... need I say more... Seems like the less I spend, the more I owe... not sure how that happens. I need to make the time to visit the bank to look into a debt consolidation loan. My credit is great, but the interest rates I am paying don't reflect that and the credit card companies won't budge. I needed to at on this a long time ago but haven't gotten around to it. Now it is a breaking point where I have to do something.

5. I took a vacation with my dad down to Georgia (his treat) but I was sick the entire time with a fever of 102 and throwing up the enitre time I was there. I did have some good conversation though. My aunt who has been a teacher most of her life drilled me and said that I am presenting myself well. She gave me a few inside tips too. I met my 2 1/2 year old second cousin Makenzie. How adorable! Sad story though... She is my cousin's first and only child, but she didin't take care of her because she is too busy being a druggie and an alcoholic. Her husband is no better and used Makenzie as a bargaining chip in every way to extort money from my aunt and uncle (who are rather wealthy because my uncle is a CFO for a mining/drilling company- think diamonds and oil...). Anyway, my aunt and uncle adopted Makenzie to shield her from the danger of her parents' lifestyles. It was sad seeing Makenzie call my aunt Momma and my aunt having to correct her everytime with MiMi. She even called me Papa a few times in the few short days I was there. My aunt and uncle is all that little girl has for an immediate family. Because my aunt is a teacher and Makenzie clearly needs more family in her life, my aunt wanted to know if I would be interested in moving down there to live and teach. My aunt could get me hooked up with a job and I could learn a lot from her. If I live with them, I could make headway into my debt and be an active part of Makenzie's life at the same time. It is definitely something I am considering but I am afraid of not finding a church home and having to re-establsih a brand new network of friendships.

6. Other miscellaneous things.. how I am going to get the time I need off from work to go visit principals and interview, go to all the PEAK outreaches... when I am going to find the time to write one of the Sunday lessons for the kids and spend time with some of my friends who are begging me to come visit...

I could go on, but all the things weave in and out of one another so I have this endless feedback loop in my head that keeps me going in circles. I am not complaining, just need to air all this thought that is bottled inside and stressing me out... Now that I've cleared my head, I can go to bed...

I leave you tonight with a picture of Makenzie... Isn't she adorable?

Good night all!

~Brooks

Filled up...

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 01:58:11 GMT

My heart is just so full with so much... It is truly overwhelming!

As I was stating in a previous post, 2007 has been full of huge tests from God, all of which I feel I have passed, but they've all been very intense and consuming. I feel like I've grown so much because of them. I feel much more mature and solid, not that I was immature and shaky before, but we've all got room to grow.

I am loosing weight... finally! We went through Dr. Don Colbert's 7 Pillars of Health, which I highly recommend. It inspired me to make a lot of changes in my life, little changes that make a big difference. It's been great! I finally went to Wild Oats for the first time, which is an organic grocery chain here that actually just been bought out by Whole Foods. Anyway, the experience was overwhelming, so I talked one of my co-workers who has been doing the whole organic thing for over 7 years...

The pressure is on to get a move on for my future career in teaching. Davidson County posted its anticipated openings and there are a lot less Biology positions compared to what I witnessed last year, but that list changed a millin times too. Right now, it looks like only Antioch and Hume-Fogg have openings. Antioch is one of my top choices based solely on its location, but it is extremely overcrowded and the student body has a reuputation for being a little rough. I am up for a challenge though. Hume-Fogg is one of several magnet schools. When I look at their website and the teacher profiles, it is like reading my cover letter... they have a passion for young people and seeing them succeed; however, with it being a magnet school, I don't feel they would even consider somebody like myself who is coming in under alternative licensure. 39 of their 44 teachers all have advanced degrees... I would love to apply, but it would be very intimidating. Literally the only thing in my favor is my desire and passion to do it... I can learn the rest of the stuff, but you can't force desire or passion... it is either there or it isn't!

The clinic I visit when I get a sinus infection said my blood pressure has been up the past two times I visited and suggested that I get tested for hypertension. As if I haven't been under enough stress, which is probably why it is up in the first place, that news didn't help. High blood pressure runs in my family as does diabetes. I know this is a product of bad decisions concerning my health, so I can't argue it. Thankfully, I had already begun making changes when I got this news, so I am hoping I can undo some of the damage with the Lord's blessing. The & pillars says that not drinking enough water can increase blood pressure and I know I hadn't been drinking enough because that is the last thing you want to do when you are sick. My sister is younger than me and has worse blood pressure than I do, which is unfortunate, but she is a nurse and says that chronic coughing raises your blood pressure as well, so that could also be part of my problem since that was a symptom at both times at the doc's. Not excuses, but I will be checking myself on one of those machines at Kroger and Walgreen's this week to see if it went down any.

My dad retired today, which is kinda scary because that means he could drop in at any time he wants since he isn't tied down to a job. When I called to talk to him, my aunt from Georgia picked up the phone, which caught me by surprise. She said that my granfather is not doing weel, so she brought up the great grandbaby to visit... she ended up spilling the beans that my granfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer 5 years ago and being the stubborn man that he is, never sought treatment that the doctor prescribed. My family has kept this a secret from me for the past 5 years! I am not exactly happy with them right now. They say they didn't tell me because they don't want me to worry... Sure, they would rather call me one day and say he died! Aaargh!

I am having to plan all these fundraisers for the kids missions trip, which is stressful because fundraising is not my cup of tea. I don't even know where the money for my trip is coming from. I've tried so hard to control my finances and the harder I try, it seems that just get worse. I have finally gotten to the place where I don't get depressed when I start thinking about my finances, which is good. I know God will provide so I am trusting Him to do exactly that and redeem my financial situation.

I watched Facing The Giants the other night and cried throughout... what a great concept! It has inspired me to confess to God that I will still love Him and praise Him even if I never get married, or have children, or own a home, or even if I spend the rest of my life in debt... I am putting all of my hopes and dreams on the altar with abandon just as Abraham did with Isaac. It is not easy, but I want God to know that my commitment to Him is more than any of those other things mean to me...

I had a great meeting with the camp director on Monday, discussing what God has laid on my heart for this years programming. He really liked it and is going to spend some time mulling it over with prayer and more thought...

Just a lot on my mind and my heart....

Hope you all are doing great!

~Brooks

Worship

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 02:23:10 GMT

I'll still love you...

and I'll still praise...

As I sit here in tears, I am reminded that this life you have given me is not about me or what I want but about you and what you want. No matter what trials or torment I am going through, help me to live this life in such a way that it will be a sweet fragrance unto you. May the love and passion I have for you be a flame among chaff, spreading rapidly and consuming others with the same. Worshipping you, I slowly fade away as I am freed of myself and taken away with you, as with a lover. Your love is so extravagant and addictive. It changes me as I draw nearer. Do not turn your face away from me, oh Lord, though I have failed many times. I long for intimacy with you. I love you more than this life and will chase after you all my days or sit patiently awaiting your whisper just to be close enough to feel your breath.

Thank you for spedning this evening with me...

I promise I'm still alive...

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 03:38:18 GMT

Well, friends. I feel terrible that it has been nearly two months since I last posted! It amazes me how time flies... we are already one quarter into 2007, which thus far has been full of great trials and great victories already.

So when I last posted I was sharing about the revelation I received from John Bevere's The Bait of Satan and how it helped me mend a relationship. Unfortunately, I have still not gotten around to reconciling two other relationships that fell to the way side years ago, but I still intend to do so... I got sidetracked with another major situation... I want to share this situation and get your thoughts because I have never had to make a decision like this before and bear with me because it is kind of long to explain...

Here goes... Bascially, our kids' camp director (who also used to be the volunteer children's pastor prior to the church hiring a couple to handle the children's ministry) felt God call him to leave Oasis (my church), so he has been been visiting various churches trying to find out where exactly God wants him to be... He left admirably and on good terms, meeting with our senior pastors and sharing what he felt God was calling him to do. The camp has always operated separately of the church, incorporating other churches, but Oasis has always backed it as far as insurance and sending our kids. Since Josh (the camp director) was no longer going to be a part of this body they had valid concerns as far as the insurance goes, spiritual accountability since he has not settled in another body of believers, the associate director of the camp not being involved any longer, etc. Insurance won't be a problem since the camp is getting its 503c status, Josh has a team of people built to hold him accountable and what not, and the assicate director's leaving was a mutual decision. Regardless, my children's pastors still felt that it wasn't a "safe option" for the Oasis Kids and decided to plan other activities. They had only told me there was a possibility of this, but never told me their final decision.

Well, I came to the children's planning meeting one night and they announced that they were planning other activities, but they also dropped the bomb on me that the other activities are scheduled at the same time as camp. My heart grieved instantly, because I feel so strongly about camp, having experienced God's movement in the children's lives- including the children's pastors' daughter. I asked amongst everybody why they chose to schedule it at the same time because we all had the right to know as we would have to field parents' questions, but they avoided answering the question twice, so I just dropped it, instead opting to discuss with them at a later time in private because they obviously didn't want to address it in front of everybody.

Mentally I checked out of the meeting at that point. First, they didn't have enough respect to tell me ahead of time, knowing that I was the only leader that it would affect. Second, I now had to make a difficult decision of doing as the body does (the alternate activities they planned) or honoring my commitment to camp. I didn't get offended at any of the people involved, but I was disgusted at they way it was handled and the decision that had been made as those alternate activities could have been scheduled for a different week as to not force an issue with our parents/kids having to decide which to choose as well. I discussed with them afterward and they said that I have their support whichever direction I decide to go and that the decision comes down to me and God. They said that it was the decision of one of our senior pastors that it be scheduled during the same time, so I requested to speak with her as to why. When I talked to her, she said the decisions were left up to the children's pastors entirely. Bells started going off in my head... had my own leaders lied to me?

Now, I not only had to continue praying about which activities to be involved with, but now I had to pray about the potential deception and lie that had been committed against me by the very leaders that I submit to AND whether or not I should confront them! I didn't even know if it would be appropriate for me to confront my spiritual leaders. At this point, I had already been praying about it for three weeks and avoiding calls from the camp director because they didn't have enough respect for him to tell him any of this either, instead leading him to believe that the kids would still be coming potentially.

I knew that I could not make the right decision until all of this was resolved in my head and my heart, so I consulted an inner circle of friends and continued to pray for another two weeks about it, and I finally found peace. I decided (with God's help) that it was not my place to confront my spiritual leaders... my decision was between me and God and their decisions were between them and God. If there was correction that needed to happen with them, God was going to take care of it. So I met with them and explained that I had decided to do camp because I felt confusion at the church. They immediately got concerned because how can we operate as a team if there is confusion, so I ended up going through my whole thought and prayer process with them without accusing them of lying. I just explained that I felt somewhat disrespected for not being pulled aside ahead of time so that it wouldn't be dropping a bomb on me and that there were conflicting stories. It was not an easy conversation, but we all walked away in agreement, which is good.

This has to be one of the hardest decisions I have ever made because I felt like on one hand I would be breaking my word (let your yes be yes) and on the other hand I would be rebellious/disobedient by going against what my "spiritual heads" (pastors) were dictating. I feel that I handled the situation respectfully, but this is just another trial/test that I "passed" this year. Thus far 2007 has thrown me quite a few tests, but thankfully I have passed each with God's grace because I am relying solely on Him for the answers. I know that God is "fixin' to" do something great at the end of July early August because so many things in my life are lining up around that time period... Kids Camp, potential career change to teaching, potential move depending on which school system I get into... You gotta admit, there is a great potential for total chaos, but with so much lining up at the same time, I know God is getting ready to do something great, because the devil is doing everything he can to create turmoil for each of those blessings.

Hopefully I didn't bore you to death, but I just had to write all of it out so that I can remember what God has brought me through... the whole situation just brought the phrase "separates bone and flesh" alive because God is fine tuning my ability to listen to his whisper...

Hope y'all are doing great.. I 'll attempt to be more regular with my posting...

~Brooks

PS. I am submitting applications in the various counties to secure a postion teaching high school biology. Please keep me in your prayers for favor and guidance for which school God wants me at.

Breakthrough

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 02:38:48 GMT

Now before you read this post, you'll need to read my previous two posts to bring you up to speed for this post...

So two Sundays ago we had PEAK tryouts for the kids and Brad and I were supposed to stay to score and interview the kids. Brad literally lives down the street from me and his wife Rosa didn't want to stay at the church all afternoon so she drove back to Murfreesboro and Brad was gonna catch a ride back with me. Little did I know how such a little thing could change my life. SO we were driving back to the 'Boro and we were both talking about how disconnected we had both been feeling because there are so many people at church and with multiple services to choose from that it is hard to get to know anybody. We've always talked about getting together sicne we live so close to each other but had never acted on it. Anyway, I started talking with him about this vicious pattern in my life and he called it by name- offense. I had never seen it as that, but that's exactly what it was. He recommended that I read John Bevere's The Bait Of Satan because it spoke directly to avoid the trap of offense. I have heard so many people mention how good the book was but nobody ever shared what they got out of it or what it was about...

I ran out the next day and bought the book, because I was determined not to loose another relationship. I read a chapter each night to try to soak it in becasue I knew that I wouldn't catch all of it just because of the mindset I was inb wehn reading it, but the first ten chapters didn't do much for me at all. Maybe a sentence here or there spoke to what I was going through... I was getting discouraged because I was hoping this book would bring breakthrough... Well, when I hot chapter 11, I couldn 't puit the book down untiul I finished it. I was in tears by the end of the night. How could I have been so blind for so long to the offense and unforgiveness in my life? The books talks about the parable of the man who was forgiven a great debt but did not forgive a small debt that was owed to him and how Jesus is the man who forgave my great debt(sin) and I wouldn't forgive a small debt (reciprocal friendship). In protecting myself by being silent, I was actually mirroring the very offense that I felt was done against me- I was withholding my friendship. In doing so I was holding a debt of friendship against them and trying to collect on it. I made the chopic that night to forgive this person and the others before them. I have since contacted them and apologized. They forgave me and I believe that our friendship will be stronger because of it. I know the hardest part is not over yet though as I have yet to reconcile with several others that hurt me much deeper, but when I forgave them that night, I cannot express the freedom I felt. In that freedom lies a certain level of zeal in reconciling, even though these individuals may never forgive me.

If anybody reading this post has ever been offended by somebody or something somebody did or didn't do, I highly encouirage you to read this book. It changed my life and it will change yours too!

Be blessed all... I am going to go Nyquil myself as I continue to fight off the flu...

~Brooks